At some point or another in our lives we have all had to answered this question. . . . "On a scale of one to ten what is your pain level?" Whether it was at a regular scheduled doctor appointment, or a scary ER visit. Where ever it has been, we have been instructed to answer with a number to rate our pain. Physical pain. The scale is our own, and the number we pick is of our own choosing. But what about emotional pain? How do we rate that? Can we? In the next few paragraphs I am going to share with you why I believe it is dangerous to rate this type of pain.
The solution to this problem might not be so easy. We can't just tell ourselves to stop doing something we have done for so long that it has becomes second nature. Why do I feel this habit is concerning? Because when we convincing ourselves that our "feelings" are not as painful because someone else has it worse than us we make ourselves feel uncared for. Then if we have times where we allow ourselves "feel" these emotions, we end up heaping on the guilt because our pain level is only a 5 and so and so has a 10.
An example of how I personally would deal with this was, I would feel an emotion. I would refuse or deny myself to "feel" it. Pushing it down deep within me. When that stopped working and it would rear its ugly head again, I would have this inner dialogue.
"I'm so selfish. Others have it so much worse. At least my pain is not physical. I can not believe how weak I am in my faith that I am so emotional.". Then I would wrap up my self berating with a catchy Christian phrase for example "Let go and let God".
Here's the thing, I truly believed I was being a good Christian in doing this, and I worry a lot of us are doing the same. We Christians take it a step further convincing ourselves that if our faith was stronger we wouldn't feel the hurt we are experiencing. Or we can tend to think we are being prideful in looking at our pain when others have a higher rating than us.
But here was the problem that I faced/ or rather never faced. The more I ignored the hurt, the more unseen and unloved I felt. By trying to rate my pain by comparing it to others, it was like I was ignoring a fester wound. In trying ignorance I was actually making it bigger and more painful. It was out of self loathing and misguided happy quotes that I thought I was being a good Christian. It wasn't just the pain itself but the inability to feel, and take it to the Lord. As it says in Psalms 68:19 . . . . "Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens." He will carry them, but we must bring them to Him. To verbalize it and heal, not compare so we can judge ourselves more harshly..
I have sat with a few grieving friends in my life time. The reactions are very similar, they have all at one point apologized for crying. Let me ask you, why are we so ashamed of our emotional tears? Why do we think that we need to "get over it"? I have been thinking on this for several months, of how I treat my emotions. How I have hid them many times, ashamed of any reminder that they were still present and looming. Then I started thinking about Jesus's tears. How he openly wept when His dear friend Lazarus passed. His tears over His upcoming future. He cried. He felt. And he certainly didn't apologize for His tears either.
Why do we get so embarrassed when we cry in front of another? Why do we apologize when we feel? For feeling? Because we were created with emotions, (like our Savior), and sometimes they spill to the surface.
For me, what ended up happening was that I felt ignored and resentful, because I was ignoring myself. I told myself that everyone had it worse in one way, or another so it would be selfish to feel sad, angry, or hurt. Oh yeah, and I had brainwashed myself into believing that if I felt anything but peace I wasn't very strong in my faith.
Lies, lies, and more lies. At any point when we look at the world we are going to see some type of emotional pain out there. Why do we believe that it makes ours less important. It doesn't make us selfish for feeling our pain. It doesn't lower our "rating."
Now why do I believe this is important? Because emotional pain is real, and it can hinder us if we don't acknowledge it to heal.
I know this is my path, and my story. If this helps even one person it is so worth sharing all my flaws and imperfections, even if that person is just me.
Much love and prayers my friends.
The solution to this problem might not be so easy. We can't just tell ourselves to stop doing something we have done for so long that it has becomes second nature. Why do I feel this habit is concerning? Because when we convincing ourselves that our "feelings" are not as painful because someone else has it worse than us we make ourselves feel uncared for. Then if we have times where we allow ourselves "feel" these emotions, we end up heaping on the guilt because our pain level is only a 5 and so and so has a 10.
An example of how I personally would deal with this was, I would feel an emotion. I would refuse or deny myself to "feel" it. Pushing it down deep within me. When that stopped working and it would rear its ugly head again, I would have this inner dialogue.
"I'm so selfish. Others have it so much worse. At least my pain is not physical. I can not believe how weak I am in my faith that I am so emotional.". Then I would wrap up my self berating with a catchy Christian phrase for example "Let go and let God".
Here's the thing, I truly believed I was being a good Christian in doing this, and I worry a lot of us are doing the same. We Christians take it a step further convincing ourselves that if our faith was stronger we wouldn't feel the hurt we are experiencing. Or we can tend to think we are being prideful in looking at our pain when others have a higher rating than us.
But here was the problem that I faced/ or rather never faced. The more I ignored the hurt, the more unseen and unloved I felt. By trying to rate my pain by comparing it to others, it was like I was ignoring a fester wound. In trying ignorance I was actually making it bigger and more painful. It was out of self loathing and misguided happy quotes that I thought I was being a good Christian. It wasn't just the pain itself but the inability to feel, and take it to the Lord. As it says in Psalms 68:19 . . . . "Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens." He will carry them, but we must bring them to Him. To verbalize it and heal, not compare so we can judge ourselves more harshly..
I have sat with a few grieving friends in my life time. The reactions are very similar, they have all at one point apologized for crying. Let me ask you, why are we so ashamed of our emotional tears? Why do we think that we need to "get over it"? I have been thinking on this for several months, of how I treat my emotions. How I have hid them many times, ashamed of any reminder that they were still present and looming. Then I started thinking about Jesus's tears. How he openly wept when His dear friend Lazarus passed. His tears over His upcoming future. He cried. He felt. And he certainly didn't apologize for His tears either.
Why do we get so embarrassed when we cry in front of another? Why do we apologize when we feel? For feeling? Because we were created with emotions, (like our Savior), and sometimes they spill to the surface.
For me, what ended up happening was that I felt ignored and resentful, because I was ignoring myself. I told myself that everyone had it worse in one way, or another so it would be selfish to feel sad, angry, or hurt. Oh yeah, and I had brainwashed myself into believing that if I felt anything but peace I wasn't very strong in my faith.
Lies, lies, and more lies. At any point when we look at the world we are going to see some type of emotional pain out there. Why do we believe that it makes ours less important. It doesn't make us selfish for feeling our pain. It doesn't lower our "rating."
Now why do I believe this is important? Because emotional pain is real, and it can hinder us if we don't acknowledge it to heal.
I know this is my path, and my story. If this helps even one person it is so worth sharing all my flaws and imperfections, even if that person is just me.
Much love and prayers my friends.
