Here I go again, crying. Why must I feel so much! Why can't I hold back the tears for one day?! How do I even have any tears left? I am mentally exhausting myself! Am I gonna be like this forever? Why! Why! Why!
That was my inner dialogue a few weeks ago. My frustration and anger were bubbling to the surface. Words sat unspoken around me. These are the moments that are the hardest. The days that I feel like a fraud. The days I question God. Not His existence, or love for me, but that I am good enough to be used for His glory. That my pain will help someone else. But when I get to the point where I want to throw in the towel, delete the blog, button up my lips, I am reminded of David. I feel a kinship towards him, understand him more. The pain in his heart, and confusion in his soul at times. It is as if his emotional cries reach my ears. The frustaration and unfairness of his situation at times. How God never left, but also in those moments I am sure David felt he could never be used for Gods glory. That he was just a human catastrophe like the rest of us, flawed and sinful. Yet what a beautiful story of redemption and forgiveness.
So what do we do when we feel raw and exposed? Use it for Gods glory, and cling to Him during the process. Remind your self of who you are in Christ. Remind yourself that you have purpose. That Gods divine plan is in work. Working through you. Working through me. That painful messy pasts can be turned into beautiful artwork for His glory. And lastly, don't give up. Don't stop speaking truth. Don't stop loving the unlovable. Don't stop living. Don't let the lies of the enemy silence you. God gave you a voice. Use it.
That was my inner dialogue a few weeks ago. My frustration and anger were bubbling to the surface. Words sat unspoken around me. These are the moments that are the hardest. The days that I feel like a fraud. The days I question God. Not His existence, or love for me, but that I am good enough to be used for His glory. That my pain will help someone else. But when I get to the point where I want to throw in the towel, delete the blog, button up my lips, I am reminded of David. I feel a kinship towards him, understand him more. The pain in his heart, and confusion in his soul at times. It is as if his emotional cries reach my ears. The frustaration and unfairness of his situation at times. How God never left, but also in those moments I am sure David felt he could never be used for Gods glory. That he was just a human catastrophe like the rest of us, flawed and sinful. Yet what a beautiful story of redemption and forgiveness.
So what do we do when we feel raw and exposed? Use it for Gods glory, and cling to Him during the process. Remind your self of who you are in Christ. Remind yourself that you have purpose. That Gods divine plan is in work. Working through you. Working through me. That painful messy pasts can be turned into beautiful artwork for His glory. And lastly, don't give up. Don't stop speaking truth. Don't stop loving the unlovable. Don't stop living. Don't let the lies of the enemy silence you. God gave you a voice. Use it.
