Blog Posts - Musings of a Christian Housewife

Do Our Kids Know Where The Bouy Is?

5/15/2019

   Imagine you are on a boat with your child. Now imagine your child falls in the water. Fear envelops you. As far as you reach, your arms can not grasp them. The water is deep, and they are scared. Unless they get help death is inevitable. Out of the corner of your eye you see a life ring bouy within your reach. Do you throw it to them, or just keep watching?
   You are probably thinking this is a bit mellow dramatic Devonne. Of course you would give them a device that would save their life, no question. Why did I feel the need to give you that visual? Well lets change it a bit. What if the deep waters they were drowning in was guilt and shame, and the bouy was self forgiveness. What if you forgot to throw them the bouy. Maybe you forgot it was there.
   And here comes the part where I relate my ever so random analogy to a life lesson I learned recently. . . . .
   His big blue eyes looked up at me. They were red and swollen from crying. I could see his heart broken in front of me. His sunken shoulders gave him the look that he had just been beaten. With shaky breath he said to me, "Mom, I'm trying not to off myself right now." It was a statement. As the sentence left his lips I couldn't believe what he was saying. His beautiful life flashed in a moment before my eyes. All the moments big and small. Sure, he had messed up. He had lied. He was in trouble, but did he really think that that really called for death?! I realized in that moment that I had taught him about Christs forgiveness of sins. I had taught him how we, his parents, will always forgive him. But had I taught him, or even talked about how to forgive himself? And there was that bouy sitting on the boat that I had forgotten to mention. I wrapped my big boy up in my arms as quick as I could. I prayed quickly that my words would be the Lords and bury deep in his heart. "Son, those feelings are not from the Lord. You have a good heart, and it is broken right now. You are sorry, and you are forgiven Now you need to forgive yourself, and sometimes that's the hardest part." We cried together, and we prayed together. We talked about that bouy that had been there all along. Our children have a lot of pressure on them. As young Christian men and women this world is a scary place. Do they know they will make mistakes? Do they know to forgive themselves? Have we taught them?
   I do not share this to embarrass my child. I write because for some time now I have felt I needed to share this with my Christian mamas. Because I never want anyone to hear those words out of their kiddos lips. Let us teach them to forgive their mistakes. Acknowledging that it is hard to forgive ourselves, but with Christs help we can.
      Many prayers moms. Don't forget the bouy is there.

Trust Issues ?

4/29/2019

   Now, while I explore these questions make no mistake, I have not all these answers. Mine is merely an exploration of thought, and prayer that go into these writings. But I do know the creator to whom has these answers, and I am learning to rely solely on Him for my "trust" issues.
   I believe trust does not come naturally to us. We have all have a point in our lives where trust has been broken. When trusting isn't in our instincts, how can we trust God?
   How can trusting an ever powerful God be bad? In short, I know what my life is like when I trust Him, and I know what it's like when I don't. Desperation, and depression surround me when I am without Him. No matter how many people are around I feel alone. And then in my tearful pleas for peace and resolution He comes. God is a gentleman. He will not force Himself upon you. I understand now what "peace beyond understanding' means. I know what it means to have joy in your heart even when enemies surround you.
   Trust. Only a five letter word, but so powerful. I can't make you trust, no one can. But just try, and see if your world doesn't brighten up a little.



Psalms 62:8 it says "Trust in Him in all times, you people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge."

The Hard Truth About Grace

4/21/2019

We talk a lot about grace in the church. How by His grace we are saved. Romans 3:24 NIV And all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. That is just one of many verses in the bible that cover the grace Christ has gifted us. Not by our own merit are we saved. Nothing we can do can earn such as this.
    I wrote a blog post awhile back titled "And Then There Was Grace," in that post I wrote about giving ourselves grace when we mess up. I want to share yet another aspect of grace that I personally find the hardest. (Although Grace in general is a tough concept for our human minds to wrap around). It is extending grace to others.
      I will tell you, for me, extending grace to strangers is much easier than family and friends. We have certain expectations of these individuals we surround ourselves with. Especially our fellow Christians. We expect them to act a certain way because they know better, right?! And yet I fear all too often I miss the point. I forget we are all sinners. As Paul says, "I die to sin daily." Basically, there isn't a day that goes by that I haven't made a mistake. Sure, some days I make big ones, some days small, but not one day goes by that I am perfect, or deemed worthy of the grace I have been gifted. So why do I withhold grace from others when they sin against me?
      Now please don't misconstrue my words here. This in no way means that extending grace means there are no consequences to actions. It also doesn't mean we should take abuse over and over. We can extend grace without accepting the behavior. I think sometimes I feel like extending grace means I accept their behavior, and I am saying it's ok. That is not what it means. I am still learning this. I, like you, am still living through teachable moments in this life. What we can hold onto as a child of God is that when we go through these times, to see what we can learn from Christ. Maybe sometimes we just need to lean on Christ, hold His hand so He can guide us to make the right decisions. Do not have a false belief that the right decision is the easiest. Honestly, most times it is the hardest, but has the best outcome.
I hope as you read this it touched your heart. I know God knows who will read, and who needs this. Through my writing I learn more about myself and Christ. Who He is, and who He has called me to be. Prayers for all of you. May His grace be with you!

Friendship Seasons

3/31/2019

   In my younger days I was a needy friend. I expected a lot out of my friendships. Some of that comes with immaturity, and some of it comes from my personality. When I love, I love hard. I now see how it could be suffocating. I believe a lot of this had to do with me looking for a sense of belonging, and the other part of me just wanted someone to cling to. I remember a few times in my life where people just stopped being my friend. No big fight or unresolved drama, just ceased to be friends. This was so hurtful to me. I would wreck my brain with what had gone wrong? What had I done, to push this person away? Why had this happened to me yet again?
Now, when I look back on these events, I no longer feel sadness or rejection. There is a verse that has helped me understand some of these thing.
   Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
   A Time for Everything
   There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:
  a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
  a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
  a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
  a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
  a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
  a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
  a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

   I am reminded in this verse that even if i didn't understand the reasons to which a friendship was no longer, God had/has a plan. Sometimes we forget that there is a time and a season for all things. Yes, even friendships. This is not always the case, but many times I can look back on the loss of a certain friendship, and I grew from it. During and after. My world did not implode. I survived.
   This in no way means that friends are unimportant. God created us humans to need each other. But our friendships should not replace Him in our lives. We need to make sure we are aware of who should be number one. How many times do we text our friends about a problem before we have even uttered a prayer to our Heavenly Father? Christ should be our go to, our top priority. Are we cultivating our friendship with Christ? Do we talk to Him? Are we reading His letters to us, (the bible)? Do we only bring problems to the table? Are we thanking Him for our blessings? Are we talking about Christ with our friends?
As I am writing this, I am overwhelmed with a sense of comfort. Not only that He has the seasons in His hands, but He is holding me too. Be sure that Christ is involved in all of your friendship. Be grateful for the times you had in the past, and the times you hold now.
   To my past friends,
I am sorry I leaned so heavily on you. I now know where my strength comes from. Blessings to you, all my friends, (past and present).

Shhhhh . . . . It's A Secret

3/29/2019

Secrets. We all have them. We all know some. We all have spilled some. But what are secrets really when shared? Gossip. Secrets make us feel powerful. We may not admit it right away but we do. And when someone knows a secret about you the power is in their hands.
When we share a secret sometimes we feel we are sharing something helpful. For example, if someone says something about our friend, we want them to know right? Some questions we need to ask before we share are, is it helpful? What's our motivation in sharing this snippet of info.? Are we trying to make ourselves look better? Show them what a good friend we are? Just food for thought. I don't always, but a lot of times I try to sleep on it a day or two and pray if I should or should not share.
Me personally, I have come to hate secrets. Honestly, I don't want to know. Especially if it's about me! I think we just need to guard our words more carefully. Sharing these things affect relationships. I don't want to be angry with someone for something they may, or may not have said. And remember, we are hearing it out of context. That makes a difference!
For us in the church, let us not candy coat gossip as prayer requests. If it is a true prayer request not all details are needed. Unless of course the person asked it to be shared. God knows all the details, we don't need to.
I struggle with gossip or oversharing. I am a talker. But the more I grow in Christ the more this is laid on my heart. Remember, . . Proverbs 16:28 "A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends." And Proverbs 26:20 "Without wood a fire goes out; without a gossip a quarrel dies down." Don't be that log on the fire that keeps it burning. I have been that log, and you will get burned.

Pain

3/28/2019

   It's gnawing, constant, and distracting. Makes it hard to focus. It can bring tears to your eyes quickly. It can consume our thoughts. What its it? It is pain. Physical pain. It is not easy to ignore. You can drug it, pacify it, but sooner or later it will return like an unwanted guest that moves in for far too long.
You may cry. You can have a pity party. You might feel you are drowning with no safety net in sight. But sooner or later we have to deal with it. How? How do we reach, what feels like, an untouchable aggressor? How can we focus on God grace and salvation when we are distracted by this torment?
After the pity party, and the why me questions, these are things I am learning. No one is immune to pain. In 1 Peter 5:9 it says
". . . standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings."
   Why should it matter to us that no one is immune to pain? It can teach us compassion. Something we all need to remember. We all hurt differently, our ache isn't the same but none the less, it is painful. Showing compassion to those in pain on any level is what Christ has called us to do. We can't physically fix it, but we can be there as brothers and sisters in Christ. Reach out, help, and pray for them. The second part of that verse in 1 Peter is . . .(vs10) "And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."
   Does that mean our pain will eventually end? Yes, but not necessarily on earthly terms. It may end when we reach heaven, only God knows. What I personally have learned from my pain. . . . .
      1. Don't do it alone. Cling to Christ. Pray that he leads you to what you should do. What avenues you should take. Don't throw your hands up and say, ok this is my cross to bear. Remember 1 Thessalonians 5:17 "Pray continually."
2. Rejoice in the good days and don't let go of God in the bad days. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 "Give thanks in all circumstances. . . . "
   3. It's ok to cry. God weeps too. He hurts when you hurt. He understands our hearts cry. Just keep your eyes on Him.

To all of you in physical pain I pray this helps you. We have a God that cares about it all, big and small. Prayers for you friends.

Lack Of Patience?

3/26/2019

Everything needs to be fast or high speed these days. How often do we get mad because something wasn't fast enough? The coffee girl, your lunch, the internet, the driver in front of you? When something makes you wait, what is your response? Your first reaction? Is it irritation or anger? We live in a society that doesn't wait very well. Sometimes it seems that patience is a thing of the past. In Psalm 27:14 it says "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."
When we are not careful, our lack of patience can seep into our prayer life. We want quick answers to our prayers and petitions. We tend to be most impatient with God. "Why didn't you answer me God?" "When are you gonna come through?" "Can't you hear me?" Sometimes we decide we have waited long enough so we decided to do it without His guidance and direction How does that normally workout for us?
I love how the bible gives us clear examples of this. It helps to remind me how not to do it on my own, but also God's enduring grace and patience with us as we mess up time and time again. One of my favorite examples of this is the story of Sarah and Abraham. I'm giving a very brief outline of the story. Sarah wanted a child desperately. Sadly it had not happened for her, and she was well beyond childbearing age. God sent three visitors to tell Abraham that he and Sarah would have a son. (Genesis 18;11 "Abraham and Sarah were already very old, and Sarah was past the age of childbearing.") As you read on in the story, Sarah didn't want to wait. Despite being told by angels it would happen she gave up her patience, and decided to do it her way. That's when the story gets a bit hairy. But Of course God kept His promise and Sarah did have a son in due time. (Genesis 18:14 is anything too hard for the Lord.")
This story holds a special spot in my heart because I waited four years for my second son. I assure you I was not the poster child for patience. Anything but. I wallowed in self pity, pleaded with God. I lost one child very early in conception when my oldest was 2 years old and I was angry with God. Finally I knew I needed to give it all to Him. My children were not mine, but His. Whether I had one child or more God knew what I needed, and at what time I needed it. That being said I grabbed onto the Lord, and said let your will, not my will be done. Then a few years later came my little goofball Garrett.
I can't say I know why I had to wait for Garrett, but I did. And if you know him, I know you will agree he was worth the wait.
My prayer is that through my mistakes and fumbles through life that God will shine. I pray that your hope will be renewed and patience strengthened. That you are able to slow down and appreciate His timing and wisdom. Much love friends, have a blessed day, and shine your light.

I Don't Want To Do This

3/25/2019

   Let me be very clear here, I don't want to do this. My whole life I was not working towards a goal to become a blogger. I wasn't looking for ways to share Christ. I wasn't begging to shine a light on my mistakes, then writing about them. It's not like I want to be invisible, but to be vocal about your faith in this day in age can be a social media death sentence.
   Why do I say all this? Because I never want anyone to think this blog is on how I've got it all together. I assure you I do not. I am like you. I fall short of the glory of God daily. I don't always like sharing my failures and motherhood mishaps, but if that is what helps someone else see God, then so be it.
      I guess my point is that God may call you to do somethings that you might not want to do. It might be scary, hard, or uncomfortable, you may be like me and feel completely unqualified. But when you do it you will be blessed. The blessing is the peace in knowing you listening to His voice. We might not always experience the reason, but trust me God always has one.
   I don't know where my writing may take me. I don't know if I am meant to do this my whole life, but I know now is the time. When our concern becomes not wanting anyone to live without Him, everything else is secondary. Let us not forget earth is not our forever home. Heaven and hell are very real. I don't know about you, about I don't want anyone to choose the second option.

Pruning My Fruit Trees

3/23/2019

   I have been pruning recently. Not physical trees in my yard, but spiritually. I call it my fruit tree. In Galatians 5:22-23 it reads "But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control."  The Holy Spirit is in me. Therefore, I should aim to produce fruit of this nature. Mathew 7:20 says "Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them." So if I do not look any different from the world, how will they see Jesus through me? For example, if I am using the same foul language, or wearing the same provocative clothing as those who don't know Christ, why would they be interested in Him? Why would anyone see the need to change? I am not saying as Christian women we need to dress like nuns. But we do need to keep what is private, private, out of respect for what God gave us.
Lets break down the fruits. I want us to understand what we are called to do, and how learning this way makes our lives more peaceful and enjoyable. . . . .
Love; a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another. This does not mean just other Christians that we deem worthy of our love. We are called to love others as Christ loves us. We didn't have to earn it.
Joy; the expression or display of glad feeling. This definition doesn't mean grin and bear it. No matter what circumstance we are in, if we pray for joy it will come. How many times do we complain about circumstances we can't change. It's exhausting to do and equally exhausting to listen to. If you can't seem to find your joy, think of Christ's sacrifice for you and rejoice in that.
Peace; stillness cessation of or freedom from any strife or dissension. This one can be really difficult to grab onto in todays society. We are taught to keep going no matter what. Being still is hard. I am slowly learning. Break out of the busy busy go go mentality, and be still. I promise when you do this you will hear His voice and find your peace.
Forbearance; (refrain from something; patient enduring). I have to admit, I had no idea what forbearance was before looking it up. There may be things in your life that you love, but might not bring out the best in you. Maybe something you know God is calling you to leave behind/refrain from. Mine was reality tv (housewives), I realized watching these shows were not lifting my spirit, and nothing was Godly about them. I have had to refrain.
Kindness; (friendly feeling; liking). Super easy right? I have to say for me this tends to be the hardest with my family. I take out my frustrations on them. Unfair, and this is one branch of my fruit tree I have been pruning lately. Thinking if my words are building up or tearing down. Kindness in our speech is just as important as actions.
Goodness; (moral excellence; virtue; generosity). Generosity doesn't just mean money, but time as well. How generous are you will your free time? If a friend calls and needs to talk will you cut her short, or listen? If a friend needs help moving are you generous? Maybe the church needs volunteers, do you expect someone else will do it, or share some of your time. How generous are you with someone who isn't a close friend?
Faithfulness; (true to ones word, reliable, trusted). To me personally my husband is my best example of this. He will stick to his word no matter what! Especially as a mom I find I say ok, then change my mind. Sometimes this is out of our control, but my husband will make it happen. There are too few people that are true to their word. If you say your going to do something, do it.
Gentleness; (not serve; mild). Be gentle in all ways. Maybe God has given you a word to deliver to someone. Be gentle when delivering it. Gentle in our thoughts, words, and all actions. Everyone is fighting their own battle. Equally be gentle with yourself.
Self- control; (restraint of ones self or ones actions). I am curious as to why God put this as the last fruit. For me it is by far the hardest to attain. Another one I am in the mist of pruning. I lack self control in many areas in my life.
   I know there are always things we could be working on in our walk with Christ. It's a dangerous spot to be when we think we have it all figured out. There are no perfect Christians, but that doesn't mean to get complacent. We always have more to learn. If we open ourselves up he will use us.

   Praying God helps you prune your fruit tree today.
Much love friends, Devonne Ramer

Psst . . . It's Me, Fear

3/13/2019

When I first felted called to start this blog, (about four years ago to be exact), I was excited, then . . . scared. I was going to tackle some subjects that some people might not like. I was also putting myself out there and being more vulnerable that I ever had before. I wanted some input, so I went to my husband. I couldn't believe how nervous I was to tell him my idea. What if he thought it was silly, or dumb? Or what if he didn't think I could do it? I was already wrestling with myself, doubting what I believed was my calling. What if he voiced my fears out loud?
Fears, . . Fear. . . I believe it is one of satans favorite tools. It can sidetrack the most pious believer. It can sneaks up on you like a lion stalking its prey. It can steal your joy in a heart beat.
We had a frame cross stitch on our wall growing up. Every house we moved to it was one of the first things put up.
Fear knocked at the door.
Faith answered,
no one was there.
This phrase has stuck with me through out my life. I have also taught it to my children. It sounds so simple, but in the midst of tough circumstances it is hard to not fear and have faith. It can be daunting to "let go, and let God" as people say.
I read a book that said, sometimes we make ourself fail because we fear success. I had a hard time absorbing that. Could fear really be that powerful that it makes us fail before we start? I wasn't sure at the time, but as I pondered my "blog" startup, I wondered.
Once I sat down with my husband and told him my idea, his response was positive. He said, "Absolutely. I think it is a great idea. You should do it." I sat there stunned. Why was I so surprised that someone had faith in me? Why didn't I give myself that faith? Had I let fear snuff it out before I began? I truly believe his next words were inspired by God whether he knew it or not. "I have no doubt you will do many things still, and be successful at each one."
Wow! I think I had to remind myself to breath after that one. Me? Successful? At more than one thing? Sometimes it feels like I can barely keep two kids dressed and fed.
So it is with encouragement and peace in my heart that I tell you; LET GO OF FEAR! It is not a friend. When satan tries to rummage up a thought or image to inspire it, say NO. Cling to Lamentations 3:57 You came near when I called you, and you said, " Do not fear."
So I leave you with this " I believe you will do many things still, and be successful at each one." Next time fear knocks at your door, stay seated and let faith get it.