I try to remember it's not his fault. Sometimes if i'm honest it's hard to remember it's not his choice. I sometimes get caught up in carry this guilt around my neck . . . . I gave this to them. This struggle that I have passed on to the next generation. My faults. My flaws. My frustration. All the confusion I gave to him. My pain.
People that don't have it think it's just a nuisance, no big deal. "Parenting properly would make it go away," they say. "Just be stricter." But it is a big deal, and it affects your whole life. Your choices, actions, and emotions everyday.
What is it? Well it's proper name is A.D.H.D.. But to me, it is confusion and frustration. Like having bright lights on all day, even when you are trying to sleep. Confusion because you know it's easy, but you can't seem to do it. Frustration at yourself because your brain won't compute this.
I have A.D.H.D. and it affects me daily. I have learned to cope and deal with it. Being a grown up helps. But to watch my little ones struggle with it pains me. I feel their pain and I hurt for them. I'm doing my best to give them every advantage i can. I will take the verbal attacks and emotional breakdown. Why? Because I am blessed to be their mom even in the midst of a emotional storm. The storm inside them that tries to defeat every move they make.
It is very hard to watch them when they beat themselves up verbally and mentally. Feeling they never measure up. During this time of uncertainty in this world their attacks on themselves seem to become more frequent. I remind them that this is how the devil wants them to feel. He wants them to feel defeated, worthless, and sad. I will comfort them with God word, and His truths.
I will fight for them even when they are too tired to stand. I will allow myself to cry at night. I will cry in the darkness without little eyes upon me. I will cry to the Father above I will pray to Him who gives me the strength and arms me for each daily battle. But for now, until darkness falls I will help them. I will hold their hand through it all. I will try to bite my tongue when I'm angry. I will swallow the hurt when they push me away out of frustration. I will try to remember it's not me he's pushing, its everything in this uncertain, scary world that surrounds him. I will do my best to take nothing personally because he doesn't mean it, he's just so very bone tired of trying.
With every tear my sweet sons cry my heart breaks, like darts thrown at my heart. What can I do? Never Give Up! Keep putting one foot in front of the other holding Gods hand through it all. God entrusted these young men into my care.
This is not a road for the weak hearted, but it is my road. On this journey I will hold their hands and take a backpack. My backpack that God has filled with an insane amount of love. Strength I never knew I had. Patience and peace beyond understanding. God keeps me strong and moves me along. One foot in front of the other.
So maybe next time we see a mom that looks like she might need a few more supplies in her backpack instead of shaking our head, or murmuring in judgement. Maybe we could offer up a silent prayer for her. Because we don't know what road she's on.
Children are a gift from the Lord;
They are a reward from him.
Psalms 127:3
People that don't have it think it's just a nuisance, no big deal. "Parenting properly would make it go away," they say. "Just be stricter." But it is a big deal, and it affects your whole life. Your choices, actions, and emotions everyday.
What is it? Well it's proper name is A.D.H.D.. But to me, it is confusion and frustration. Like having bright lights on all day, even when you are trying to sleep. Confusion because you know it's easy, but you can't seem to do it. Frustration at yourself because your brain won't compute this.
I have A.D.H.D. and it affects me daily. I have learned to cope and deal with it. Being a grown up helps. But to watch my little ones struggle with it pains me. I feel their pain and I hurt for them. I'm doing my best to give them every advantage i can. I will take the verbal attacks and emotional breakdown. Why? Because I am blessed to be their mom even in the midst of a emotional storm. The storm inside them that tries to defeat every move they make.
It is very hard to watch them when they beat themselves up verbally and mentally. Feeling they never measure up. During this time of uncertainty in this world their attacks on themselves seem to become more frequent. I remind them that this is how the devil wants them to feel. He wants them to feel defeated, worthless, and sad. I will comfort them with God word, and His truths.
I will fight for them even when they are too tired to stand. I will allow myself to cry at night. I will cry in the darkness without little eyes upon me. I will cry to the Father above I will pray to Him who gives me the strength and arms me for each daily battle. But for now, until darkness falls I will help them. I will hold their hand through it all. I will try to bite my tongue when I'm angry. I will swallow the hurt when they push me away out of frustration. I will try to remember it's not me he's pushing, its everything in this uncertain, scary world that surrounds him. I will do my best to take nothing personally because he doesn't mean it, he's just so very bone tired of trying.
With every tear my sweet sons cry my heart breaks, like darts thrown at my heart. What can I do? Never Give Up! Keep putting one foot in front of the other holding Gods hand through it all. God entrusted these young men into my care.
This is not a road for the weak hearted, but it is my road. On this journey I will hold their hands and take a backpack. My backpack that God has filled with an insane amount of love. Strength I never knew I had. Patience and peace beyond understanding. God keeps me strong and moves me along. One foot in front of the other.
So maybe next time we see a mom that looks like she might need a few more supplies in her backpack instead of shaking our head, or murmuring in judgement. Maybe we could offer up a silent prayer for her. Because we don't know what road she's on.
Children are a gift from the Lord;
They are a reward from him.
Psalms 127:3
