I have kicked, spit on, and hated her. I have told her she is worthless, weak, and disgusting. I have not let her say what's on her mind. I have edited and held her back. I have photoshopped a smile on her face while she was drowning in self hatred. I have told her she is unlovable. I have starved her, and told her that her hunger pains were a punishment for her ugliness. I made her believe no one would love her. That no matter how hard she tried she would fail at any and every task. That she could trust no one, and had to earn all their approval. I convinced her that others opinions of her matter more than anything. I made her believe that she deserved all this punishment and more.
And you know what? She believed me. She not only believed these lies, she taught others that they should believe them too. She accepted the physical and verbal abuse from others. She spent countless hours picking apart every ounce of her physical appearance and personality. She never felt good enough. She was always lonely, sad, and depressed. If by chance someone saw her true inner beauty and commented on it she would disregard it as a lie, and move on. Pretty soon I didn't need to involve myself in this battle because she took it over. She was the accuser and punisher all in one. She berated herself, she took on all the lies as truths and filled her heart with them.
Then one fateful day she let her mind wander. She wondered what it would be like if she didn't believe these things. What if all that she believed to be true about herself were really lies. What if the truth was the opposite of what she thought? That's when I started to loose my grip. . . . .
She decided to read about what the Creator said about her, not her mind. In a quiet desperate moment she prayed. . . .
"God, please show me who you say I am, because I don't know anymore."
A simple prayer, but to the Creator it was a melody to His ears. So she started reading. What she found in that book was truth, grace, and freedom. The lies I had told her started to fade in the background. One by one she stopped believing what I had told her. She started to speak more. She started laughing and being happy. I was furious, all this hard work to keep her down was failing. So I tried tripping her. I made her world crumble little by little. I took people out of her life thinking it would devastate her, but to my frustration God put more in. Next thing I knew she had an army beside her! Any lie I would try slip in she had four truths she would throw back! She started calling me a liar. Telling me to shut up! Can you believe it?! Who did she think she was?! She started telling others I was a liar, and not to believe me. She was really pissing me off!
So I threw all I had at her. I threw sickness, stress, worry, and every emotional burden I could think of. I wreaked havoc on her mind. I brought every bad memory to the surface of her mind. By the time I was done I was exhausted, . . . . spent. . . . .but it was worth it when she started to cry.
Yes! I thought, finally! Get her back to where I had her. I sat back and watched my handy work. Feeling quite happy with myself I looked at her with a sneer. That ought to teach you I thought. . . . . But it was not done. . . . .
Wait . . . .what?!!! I had to rub my eyes to check that I was seeing correctly. I still heard her tears, but she wasn't alone. Her army that He had built for her was there! They were picking her up and wiping her tears. They were reminding her of all the truths, and that she wasn't alone.
She stood up, so I tried to knock her down again, but somehow she was stronger!!!! How is this possible?
Not only was she stronger, but she was madder than a hornet. She came at me guns blazing. She spoke truth. She lived truth, and she loved with her whole heart. Her heart, the one thing I had worked so hard to break. Now it was healthy and filled to the brim with love and hope.
Hope. I hate that word because I know its connected to "Him". the One on High. I now know who she got her strength from. Where all of her army got it. That's why they are stronger than me.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving up completely. I still got some curve balls ahead for her, but if she keeps building that faith I don't know if I can break her.
Obviously, you can tell this is about me. It is my story. My life. Many of you know me now, not how I was. This is my way of sharing the realness of life. This is dedicated to my army, (you know who you are), thank you!!! Read your bible friends. Devotions are nice and sweet, but armor yourselves with the truth. Don't believe the lies anymore. Much love and prayers friends.
Devonne Ramer
And you know what? She believed me. She not only believed these lies, she taught others that they should believe them too. She accepted the physical and verbal abuse from others. She spent countless hours picking apart every ounce of her physical appearance and personality. She never felt good enough. She was always lonely, sad, and depressed. If by chance someone saw her true inner beauty and commented on it she would disregard it as a lie, and move on. Pretty soon I didn't need to involve myself in this battle because she took it over. She was the accuser and punisher all in one. She berated herself, she took on all the lies as truths and filled her heart with them.
Then one fateful day she let her mind wander. She wondered what it would be like if she didn't believe these things. What if all that she believed to be true about herself were really lies. What if the truth was the opposite of what she thought? That's when I started to loose my grip. . . . .
She decided to read about what the Creator said about her, not her mind. In a quiet desperate moment she prayed. . . .
"God, please show me who you say I am, because I don't know anymore."
A simple prayer, but to the Creator it was a melody to His ears. So she started reading. What she found in that book was truth, grace, and freedom. The lies I had told her started to fade in the background. One by one she stopped believing what I had told her. She started to speak more. She started laughing and being happy. I was furious, all this hard work to keep her down was failing. So I tried tripping her. I made her world crumble little by little. I took people out of her life thinking it would devastate her, but to my frustration God put more in. Next thing I knew she had an army beside her! Any lie I would try slip in she had four truths she would throw back! She started calling me a liar. Telling me to shut up! Can you believe it?! Who did she think she was?! She started telling others I was a liar, and not to believe me. She was really pissing me off!
So I threw all I had at her. I threw sickness, stress, worry, and every emotional burden I could think of. I wreaked havoc on her mind. I brought every bad memory to the surface of her mind. By the time I was done I was exhausted, . . . . spent. . . . .but it was worth it when she started to cry.
Yes! I thought, finally! Get her back to where I had her. I sat back and watched my handy work. Feeling quite happy with myself I looked at her with a sneer. That ought to teach you I thought. . . . . But it was not done. . . . .
Wait . . . .what?!!! I had to rub my eyes to check that I was seeing correctly. I still heard her tears, but she wasn't alone. Her army that He had built for her was there! They were picking her up and wiping her tears. They were reminding her of all the truths, and that she wasn't alone.
She stood up, so I tried to knock her down again, but somehow she was stronger!!!! How is this possible?
Not only was she stronger, but she was madder than a hornet. She came at me guns blazing. She spoke truth. She lived truth, and she loved with her whole heart. Her heart, the one thing I had worked so hard to break. Now it was healthy and filled to the brim with love and hope.
Hope. I hate that word because I know its connected to "Him". the One on High. I now know who she got her strength from. Where all of her army got it. That's why they are stronger than me.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving up completely. I still got some curve balls ahead for her, but if she keeps building that faith I don't know if I can break her.
Obviously, you can tell this is about me. It is my story. My life. Many of you know me now, not how I was. This is my way of sharing the realness of life. This is dedicated to my army, (you know who you are), thank you!!! Read your bible friends. Devotions are nice and sweet, but armor yourselves with the truth. Don't believe the lies anymore. Much love and prayers friends.
Devonne Ramer
