I found her! Can you believe it? She was here all along! Apparently she had been hiding for quite a while. Silenced by her doubt. She thought I didn't want to hear her. I guess if I'm honest I didn't for awhile. It wasn't her fault. I comfort her with that thought. But guess what, if I hadn't broke I wouldn't have found her. She and I are becoming good friends. Our thoughts intertwine. We weed through the bad and good, then laugh or cry, and finally we heal and move on. We have realized we don't have to protect our heart anymore. We have a Saviors that has that job covered. We talk a lot now. We come up with ideas, some random, some have heart, some silly. That's us. That's me. Because we are one. I'm learning to like me, spend time with me, . . . be me. The me I was created to be. And in turn saying good bye to her. I don't need her anymore. It's a process. It's long and tiring, and at times I wanna throw in the towel and tell her to come back and numb the feelings. But I'm starting to realize that numbing makes it hurt worse when you feel it. So, we have talked. Said our good byes. And with open eyes I am seeing . . . .
Seeing things that I like about me. Seeing my army around me. Seeing God use me even through this storm. I am also learning. Learning to breath. To feel. To just be. (Probably one of the hardest things for me during this process.)
Through this process so far I have been blessed to gain a greater understanding of grace, forgiveness, and acceptance. I am learning to be me. Like me. I know I am have not completed the journey, but I am choosing to look at how far I've come, instead of how much further I have to go. I know, without a doubt that I will eventually be able to say with confidence I love me.
So here I am vulnerable and learning to be ok with it. Feeling the feelings. So, . . . I may hug more, cry more, overshare, and it may make you uncomfortable. I apologize in advance if it does. But I found her, and set her free. And in that freedom I am becoming who the Lord created me to be.
Much love friends. Whatever part of life's journey you are on, you have my prayers and a God that handle anything.
Seeing things that I like about me. Seeing my army around me. Seeing God use me even through this storm. I am also learning. Learning to breath. To feel. To just be. (Probably one of the hardest things for me during this process.)
Through this process so far I have been blessed to gain a greater understanding of grace, forgiveness, and acceptance. I am learning to be me. Like me. I know I am have not completed the journey, but I am choosing to look at how far I've come, instead of how much further I have to go. I know, without a doubt that I will eventually be able to say with confidence I love me.
So here I am vulnerable and learning to be ok with it. Feeling the feelings. So, . . . I may hug more, cry more, overshare, and it may make you uncomfortable. I apologize in advance if it does. But I found her, and set her free. And in that freedom I am becoming who the Lord created me to be.
Much love friends. Whatever part of life's journey you are on, you have my prayers and a God that handle anything.
