My oldest is now 14 years old, I wrote this when he was 9.
I was frustrated with my son the other day. He looked at me in this moment and said, "I don't get it mom. Dad is way more patient than you. But if you start getting mad at me, dad does too?"
The first part of that sentence hurt. Bad. "Dad's way more patient." It stung. As I felt my heart starting to ache, (as it does when our children's observations about our behaviors do at times). I starting to getting angry and defensive right away. Great, I thought, I do all this work. One can only be patient for so long. Now Dad gets to be good cop, and I'm the bad cop. It felt unfair.
I then took a deep breath before I responded. I silently prayed God wouldn't let my hurt feelings get in the way, and to help me understand this little boys logic.
"Well, lets see. How much time is daddy able to help with things throughout the day? Probably not as much as mom right?" to which he nodded. "When mommy's helping you and your brother all day, and you start to get disrespectful, that's usually when daddy gets mad. Right?" Another nod. "You see, daddy sees how hard I try to do what's right for you boys. So when he sees you disrespect me he gets mad, because he sees it hurts me." Thinking I was going to get ready to battle. My oldest loves a good debate. I was taken aback when he wrapped his arms around me with tears in his eyes and said, "I love you mama." No more words were needed in that moment.
It's so easy to think we are stuck in certain roles as parents. Kids love to put us in the good cop, bad cop roles. I believe that in that moment it was a reminder to me that my husband and I are on the same team. I love how God teaches me through my child.
The first part of that sentence hurt. Bad. "Dad's way more patient." It stung. As I felt my heart starting to ache, (as it does when our children's observations about our behaviors do at times). I starting to getting angry and defensive right away. Great, I thought, I do all this work. One can only be patient for so long. Now Dad gets to be good cop, and I'm the bad cop. It felt unfair.
I then took a deep breath before I responded. I silently prayed God wouldn't let my hurt feelings get in the way, and to help me understand this little boys logic.
"Well, lets see. How much time is daddy able to help with things throughout the day? Probably not as much as mom right?" to which he nodded. "When mommy's helping you and your brother all day, and you start to get disrespectful, that's usually when daddy gets mad. Right?" Another nod. "You see, daddy sees how hard I try to do what's right for you boys. So when he sees you disrespect me he gets mad, because he sees it hurts me." Thinking I was going to get ready to battle. My oldest loves a good debate. I was taken aback when he wrapped his arms around me with tears in his eyes and said, "I love you mama." No more words were needed in that moment.
It's so easy to think we are stuck in certain roles as parents. Kids love to put us in the good cop, bad cop roles. I believe that in that moment it was a reminder to me that my husband and I are on the same team. I love how God teaches me through my child.
