"If I am completely honest with you," my counselor began slowly,
"you have not very easy to read."
I smiled. "Is it bad that I am happy about that?" I snickered.
A couple things you will have picked up from those sentences. Yes, I said counselor because counselor sounds "less scary" to me than therapist. I started seeing her recently after a rough summer, and although sometimes very hard, I haven't regretted the decision one bit. The second thing you picked up on is I am happy about hiding me.
Once again I comfort myself with the thought that these moments I share of my life may help someone who needs to know they are not alone. Because I need to believe that, so I keep fighting to unbury me.
Those who know me know I talk A LOT. Some of my favorite topics are the Bible, Jesus, fitness, and painting. One topic that is purposely left off that list is me. Sure, I talk about what I did, who I saw, who I am today, but not the past/trying to heal me. The me that is being unburied. The one who feels less than, anxious, stressed, worried, all about herself. How she wants to stay buried because there is some pain back there she doesn't want to "feel" or remember. That talking about it makes it real. The neglect she felt is and was real. She worries about unpacking that box because it might hurt, and after this summer she can't handle anymore hurt. And if she sheds one more tear she might scream!
Why did I write all this out? Why am I now sharing my pain and fear? Why tell you all this? Easy . . . . .God.
"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2.
Am I asking you personally to carry this for me? No. But I think we need the reminder to share our burdens, worries, and fears to friends who are believers so they can wrap you in Gods truth. Vocalizing who God says you are, not your past. When we share we are unloading one of the many boxes we are carrying, lightening the load just a little. Little by little that load doesn't seem so heavy.
Then at last we are left with that last box. The heaviest one in some way. It may be marked PAST (DO NOT OPEN EVER!!!!!) like mine, or any other title you have. But we need to open it, unpack it, and give it away. Then at the very bottom at that box you will find you. The old you. The sad you. The teenage confused you. And you will hug her, you will tell her she is loved. You will tell her she doesn't need to protect you anymore. You will bandage her wounds of neglect, self doubt, abusive relationships, eating disorders. And then after you have comforted her and embraced her, you will release her. You are not her any longer. She is part of you but she does not define you. Once she is healed you will be set free.
My time is now to deal with this and unpack. I will be honest, I don't always love it, and it is hard. But I don't regret it. I share to encourage you to unpack and unbury so you can fully move in to who God has called you to be. There is light at the end of the tunnel. You might not see it yet, but know it is there. The time is now.
"you have not very easy to read."
I smiled. "Is it bad that I am happy about that?" I snickered.
A couple things you will have picked up from those sentences. Yes, I said counselor because counselor sounds "less scary" to me than therapist. I started seeing her recently after a rough summer, and although sometimes very hard, I haven't regretted the decision one bit. The second thing you picked up on is I am happy about hiding me.
Once again I comfort myself with the thought that these moments I share of my life may help someone who needs to know they are not alone. Because I need to believe that, so I keep fighting to unbury me.
Those who know me know I talk A LOT. Some of my favorite topics are the Bible, Jesus, fitness, and painting. One topic that is purposely left off that list is me. Sure, I talk about what I did, who I saw, who I am today, but not the past/trying to heal me. The me that is being unburied. The one who feels less than, anxious, stressed, worried, all about herself. How she wants to stay buried because there is some pain back there she doesn't want to "feel" or remember. That talking about it makes it real. The neglect she felt is and was real. She worries about unpacking that box because it might hurt, and after this summer she can't handle anymore hurt. And if she sheds one more tear she might scream!
Why did I write all this out? Why am I now sharing my pain and fear? Why tell you all this? Easy . . . . .God.
"Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." Galatians 6:2.
Am I asking you personally to carry this for me? No. But I think we need the reminder to share our burdens, worries, and fears to friends who are believers so they can wrap you in Gods truth. Vocalizing who God says you are, not your past. When we share we are unloading one of the many boxes we are carrying, lightening the load just a little. Little by little that load doesn't seem so heavy.
Then at last we are left with that last box. The heaviest one in some way. It may be marked PAST (DO NOT OPEN EVER!!!!!) like mine, or any other title you have. But we need to open it, unpack it, and give it away. Then at the very bottom at that box you will find you. The old you. The sad you. The teenage confused you. And you will hug her, you will tell her she is loved. You will tell her she doesn't need to protect you anymore. You will bandage her wounds of neglect, self doubt, abusive relationships, eating disorders. And then after you have comforted her and embraced her, you will release her. You are not her any longer. She is part of you but she does not define you. Once she is healed you will be set free.
My time is now to deal with this and unpack. I will be honest, I don't always love it, and it is hard. But I don't regret it. I share to encourage you to unpack and unbury so you can fully move in to who God has called you to be. There is light at the end of the tunnel. You might not see it yet, but know it is there. The time is now.
