I have contemplated writing this for awhile but it has been difficult for me to put into words. When you see peoples photos on Facebook full of laughter or sweet kid smiles, you think that person is happy. That person is ok. So when we reach out to them and they do not reach back feelings get hurt. Understandable. But how often do we take this as rejection? Do we immediaetly blame ourselves? Do we pick up others emotions and think they are our burden to carry? What if we left others "stuff" with them? Let them carry their own weight.
What if we gave them and ourselves grace? Grace to let them disappear if they need to heal. Give ourselves grace to know its not us, it's them.
For some of us, (raising my hand here), when we are healing it becomes all consuming. We heal quietly. We heal privately. We heal in solitude. Some days it can feel like a huge task just to put one foot in front of the other. Movements become hard, deliberate. We talk ourselves off the ledge each morning and night. We let God carry us, because anything else is too hard. All of it is consuming, and unfortunately relationships slide because every interaction is an effort. What you feel what has no words to explain, so why try. Sometimes each movement makes you ache. Everything is so hard.
I write to explain my absence in anyone's life, but also I am not the only one ever to go through anything like this. Sadly with the pandemic a lot are struggling. So let us have grace. Let us not write a narrative where they are good and we are bad, or the opposite. Just know everyone is trying.
I am now blessed to be on the other side of a couple very dark years. Through Jesus, my incredibly supportive husband, and a christian therapist, (my Sarapy, how I love you), I now see light. But I feel this is something that we don't talk about. The relationships that break due to someone healing. So to those who I have lost contact with, know it is not you, it never was, it was me. Much love my friends I hope this helps someone.